Should I Text My Ex?

Ah yes, texting your ex. Maybe it’s the holiday season or their birthday, and you’re debating whether you should grab your phone hmm should I text my ex or not? It’s just a casual text, right?

That “casual” text takes you along to write as you’re trying to figure out how to reach out to them without sounding desperate or needy.

So complicated!

But I get it. Your ex will come to your mind every now and then, and maybe those moments of nostalgia or curiosity will push you to reach out to your ex. But should you do it? If you think to yourself should I text my ex? Stop and pause because you need to answer that question.

But the answer isn’t so easy. It really depends on where this urge to text your ex is coming from, determining whether sending your ex a text is the best choice for you.

Sometimes, when it’s my ex’s birthday, he’ll pop into my mind. And if you asked me years ago whether to wish a him happy birthday, I would have said, “sure, why not?”

But today, my answer is different. My ex was emotionally and mentally abusive. I would reach out to him because I was still under his influence and control.

Today, even if he pops up into my head, I would never think of texting him because I’ve healed myself and moved on from his toxicity. But that’s my situation, and we all have different stories.

So, while reading this article, reflect and seek why you’re thinking of texting your ex. Where is this urge coming from?

This will help you figure out if texting your ex is a good decision for your emotional and mental health.

When you should not text your ex

Don’t rush to text your ex. Instead, give yourself some time to understand why you want to text them.

Because there’s definitely a time when you should not text your ex.

You’re still grieving from the breakup

You’re still not over the breakup. Whether it happened two weeks or one year ago, you haven’t gone through the grieving process.

Reaching out to them will only delay the grieving process and prevent you from moving on.

If the relationship wasn’t healthy for you and parting ways was the best decision to make, texting them opens the door for you to re-enter that unhealthy relationship. Unless your ex has made active steps forward to change, you’ll likely go back to the same situation all over again.

The relationship was abusive

If the relationship was unhealthy and your ex was toxic, do not text your ex.

I know it’s hard, but deep down, you know by texting them, you’re going back into the unhealthy world.

Instead, seek therapy and focus on rebuilding your self-esteem and self-worth. That way, you can build a life that serves you.

You’re not texting from a place of self-awareness

You didn’t sit down and think about why you’re texting your ex and if it will positively serve you.

Instead, you had a moment of nostalgia and you quickly grab your phone to feed it. Don’t do it.

Stop. Take a breath. Think about why you’re doing it and what you want out of it. What is the point?

You’re seeking closure

You still have unanswered questions and want closure to the relationship. But the odds are your ex isn’t going to give you the closure you want.

You have to create the closure yourself. If not, you will not move on from your ex.

When can you text your ex?

Good question. And to be honest, it depends on the relationship.

While they aren’t friends, some couples are cordial and acknowledge each other on special occasions.

Others choose not to reach out to their exes at all.

It depends on the relationship. Was your ex toxic? Abusive? If yes, then never text them.

Now, did your relationship end positively? Do you keep in contact from time to time? Then texting your ex may not be a problem. But again, it depends on where this urge is coming from.

Did you see a Facebook update of their engagement and want to text them to stroke your ego? Don’t do it.

Did their mother just pass away, and you want to give your condolences? Then text them.

Final Thoughts

I hope you get the point of this. You can text your ex, but it must come from a place of security and not to feed your ego or out of insecurity. As a human and self help writer, I’ve seen and have fallen into this trap myself.

So if you’re thinking to yourself, should I text my ex? take the time to self-reflect and decide on what’s best for your emotional health.